Psalm 139:7-10
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
I love this group of verses. I have definately felt God's presence lately. Not that I haven't in times passed, but His presence seems stronger lately. I know that this feeling of His closeness isn't because He has moved closer necessarily, but that I am more aware. I think sometimes, I get preoccupied w/busy-ness (something I want to work on) & don't pay much attention. We do devotionals w/the kids at bedtime, we pray as a family together, I have little talks w/God throughout the day, but I guess I have just been more aware of his warmth & comfort lately. I think it's because of Grandpa's recent passing.
I threw on my running shoes yesterday & hit the pavement again. Something I hadn't done in a month! (My last run was right before Grandpa got really sick.) Even though it was cold, I was dressed for it & God had calmed the Oklahoma wind & given us some beautiful sunshine. My run was nothing to brag about, but it sure felt good to be back at it. At one point on the path, I turned the corner, feeling tired & noticed the sun shining on the trees ahead. I had some inspirational music going in my ear & began thinking of God, of my Grandpa being in a better place/no longer fighting his diseased body. I imagined Grandpa watching me run & standing at a point in the distance. It drove me to keep going until I had reached that point. To explain--running was part of my last conversation with Grandpa. (I had recently found out that he had run in some competitions & even won some medals for placing 1st in his age group!) This is what prompted me to purchase one of my current favorite t-shirts--after he had been told he had approximately 1 year left (which was only a few mos. ago), I got online to search for a run to benefit leukemia. That search took me to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society website. I couldn't find an upcoming event locally, but I was happy to find a t-shirt with the LLS logo on the front & the phrase "Run like a girl" on the back. I liked it so much, I ended up ordering 1 of each available color--1 pink & 1 black.
Grandpa had told me recently, that in the last 5K he participated in, his time was 29 minutes. I believe that event was within the past year or 2--not too shabby for a Grandpa w/leukemia, huh? Anyway--during that last conversation with him in the hospital, I told him that I had missed the 5K that was going on that day (because of our big Christmas party w/Grandma's side of the family), but I planned to do others & my goal was "to be as fast as you are". He just looked up at me & smiled. I intentionally used "is" instead of "was" in that conversation with him. I wanted him to know that I was planning on answered prayers for his recovery. Even though God chose for Grandpa to go, I firmly believe it was God's wise choice & we know from Grandpa's own words, that he was accepting of God's choice. I definately felt God's presence while Grandpa was dying & in the days that have followed.
You would think that someone passing away right before Christmas would be the worst timing. At least, that's what I thought. I think it actually turned out to be a blessing, though. It came at a time when everyone had some extra time to spend together for the holidays--which made it easier for us all to be together & feel that family closeness at a time when we were so sad to not have him there with us. It was so hard to go into their house & see the big chair he'd always landed in or his usual spot at the dinner table, without him in it. But we were all together. For me, personally, it was good timing, because of the kids. My oldest was sad when Grandpa died--she is old enough to understand, but she moves on a lot quicker than we adults do. With it being Christmas time, I wanted to keep our usual Christmas traditions & make it nice for them. That definately kept me in the present/didn't let me dwell on the loss--even though it was there too. I felt God's presence in the timing of it all.
Even today, I took the kids to a movie, since it was their last day of Christmas break. Before the movie started, there was a "short"--it was Scrat, from Ice Age. I'll admit that, while the kids & I were all laughing through it, I was also teary--thinking of Grandpa. He loved the movie Ice Age. He loved it so much, that it had been suggested to us that we buy it for him, at one time. I can't recall if it was his birthday or Christmas, but we bought it. The kids even watched it with him again this summer, while we were @ Eufaula & having to stay inside because of the rain. The night he passed away & we were consoling our oldest, we were talking about the little things that would always remind us of Grandpa--like Almond Joys, the movie Ice Age, coconut cream pie... So that little reminder of Grandpa today was a blessing from God too. It was a reminder of Grandpa & the simple things that made him special. It was a reminder to be thankful for the time together & thankful for the time with those I love that are still here--like being able to spend that time with the kids today.
God is good.